“Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” 1 Corinthians 7:6-7 ESV
Reflection: why is peace important for a relationship to thrive?
Not long ago, I was sitting at an airport waiting for my plane to start boarding. Across from me was a family, husband, wife and two boys, who put on quite the show. It was painful to watch. The wife ordered her husband to go get some food. He went, and upon return, nothing was right of what he had brought back. She lectured him right there and then, in front of everyone sitting there. How worthless he was, and so on. He just bowed his head, didn’t defend himself or say much but sat down while she kept ranting about him. The two boys were obviously used to it, having no reaction to their dad being put down like this. Interestingly, the kids made a huge mess but without any correction by their mom.
It is of course impossible to say what was going on within this family from just observing them for 30 minutes. But clearly, they had many issues, perhaps of which was lack of love and respect. To take the side of the wife, perhaps the husband had made a big mistake in their relationship. But in that case, there was no forgiveness or any kind of love there. It was a public display of humiliation.
Paul continues his instruction to the church in Corinth, and in chapter 7 starts with marriage and the importance of intimacy, and not denying each other intimacy, unless for a period of an agreed time to dedicate to prayer. Now, we can pretty much know from our example with our airport couple above, that there is no intimacy between them. No man would take such treatment, and then have intimate feelings for his wife. They would first have to work on, and heal from whatever is going on, before anything intimate could happen. Because, as we looked at before, the most intimate is the sharing of hearts. If hearts are broken, there cannot be any true physical intimacy.
Paul then continues talking about who should marry (or stay single) and then gets into the big topic or divorce. It is pretty clear about the need for Christian couples to stay married, in most cases. The idea there is of course that, if they both have Christ in their hearts and follow Him, they will both submit to Christ and therefore be able to work through any marital issues. Paul makes an exception if one of the parties, husband or wife, is a non-believer, saying “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” 1 Corinthians 7:15 ESV.
It was pretty obvious looking at the airport couple that there was no love, and therefore no peace in that marriage and household. We don’t know their hearts, but the fruit was bitter just by observation. Not Christ-like for sure. Not a relationship and marriage as God intended or has instructed. And, as we learn from the focus verse today, in order to fully utilize the individual gifts and talents God has given each of us, we cannot be in the middle of a relationship conflict.
So what then is love, we might wonder? In his famous chapter 13 which often is quoted during a wedding ceremony, Paul says this about true love, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a ESV