“and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.””Luke 17:4 ESV
Reflection: do you have hurts from the past you cannot seem to let go of?
Let’s look a bit more at the topic of “love keeps no record of wrong”, as found in 1 Corinthians 13, which can be pretty difficult. Let’s use the story of the “Prodigal Son”, found in Luke 15:11-32, as a framework to consider. If you don’t recall the story, I recommend you spend some time and read it now.
Perhaps the first point to consider, is how the whole situation started: a son’s decision to leave home, take his inheritance with him, possibly “disowning” his family. We can only imagine here that the father, and probably others in the family, had tried to advise and pleaded with him not to leave, and the consequences of his decision. But notice that the father didn’t stop him, but instead gave his son what he asked for, even if the father knew his son was about to make this huge mistake. And sure enough, the son went off and wasted it all, and fell to the lowest point possible. Living among pigs, hoping to get some of their food to eat. But, this was also the turning point, when the son recognized his mistake, and it had to be the son’s decision to come back home.
And, when the son finally returned after years, we see the father being so glad to see his son again and welcomed him home with open arms. In fact, through a big celebration because of his lost son had been found, had returned home. If the father had tried to prevent this son from leaving, we can only image what sort of bitterness and resentment the son might have had towards his father, and his family, for that matter.
But, was everything well and fine at that point?
Just sweep all the years of hurt, the betrayal under the rug? I don’t think so. It is not how relationships function. While the story doesn’t deal with forgiveness directly, it does mention hurts, such as how the brother felt towards him. He was very upset, told his father that it was completely unfair. And while the father welcomed the prodigal son with open arms, there was still a lot of brokenness in the relationship between father and son, his brother, and perhaps others in the family. This had to be addressed at some point, had to be healed for the family relationship to be restored.
So how to do that?
First wisdom here, notice that it wasn’t the first thing on the father’s mind when the son returned. He first welcomed him with open arms. He didn’t say “I told you it was a big mistake to leave” or anything like that. He wasn’t trying to lecture him as a father would a young child. Still, they clearly had a lot to work through as a family, but at the right time. After the celebration was done.
Notice also in the story that prodigal son recognized his error and repented, saying “‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’” Luke 15:21 ESV. Healing cannot take place if the error, the wrong is not recognized. And while that might have been the righteous action to “disown” the son, we learn here about the father’s grace. His unconditional love for his son. The son understood that he had done wrong towards his father, and his family. But he had to come to that conclusion himself and decide to make a change. While this story is reflecting us coming to the Lord in repentance, it is applicable if someone has wronged us.
I don’t think we are to sweep anything hurtful under the rug with people we want to have a functioning relationship with. To reconcile, to forgive and heal is necessary. However, we probably all know that is not easy. It is very humbling, from both sides. It might even be very painful. And it takes time, a journey of healing, and must be at the right time. Remember, it wasn’t the first thing the father met his son with.
He first met him with his love.
In fact, he gave him value, as a son. He welcomed him home, regardless, with no conditions or accusations. They first celebrated together, before they started the journey of healing together. And forgiveness is necessary in healing and maintaining any relationship. That is why it is all throughout the Bible, and also given to us as followers of Christ as a command. It is not a “once and done”. It is an on-going practice, because we are imperfect beings. We do wrong; towards God, and towards each other. So we must live in this mindset in all our relationships, this ongoing practice of
“rebuke-repent-forgive”.
The point of “keeping no wrong” is not to go back to previous forgiven wrongs, and bring wrongs back up again at a “convenient time” when we are upset at someone. If so, we either have not forgiven, or we are falling for a temptation by the devil, which we must reject. Can you image if God did that towards us, bringing up our past? “He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:10-12 ESV
Jesus practiced forgiveness his whole life, until the very end. Let’s follow in his footsteps.